A Million Miles Away
by brucas-harmony
Summary: Cloti. About their unspoken feeliings. Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII not even its character, and also I don't own the lyrics of the song

Chapter 1: TIFA'S CONFESSION

As Tifa walks into her room, the radio caught her eyes, and without even thinking of what she was doing, she put a tape and started recording these words.

--- Hi...Um...Well... Honestly speaking I don't know what the hell came into my mind, that I started doing this thing. I know it's very corny but you can't blame me, I just wake up and finally found the courage to do this, I don't even really know what would I say to you, I don't even know where should I start... Okay, straight to the point "I'm leaving" I know it will meant nothing to you, all you know is that I'll be back... it doesn't matter to you if I leave, right?

Well, I think the day came that reality finally hit me... all along I never knew that no matter how hard I try just for you to notice me, you were too blind to see, all along I thought things will slowly find its way to make my dream come true, but this day I realize that not all dreams do come true. I realize that there's no way for you to love me, the way that I love you... "I love you??" oh I finally spill it out... yes I... Love you. I'm truly in love with you... and I badly need you now!

Just the thought of you leaving me tore me into million pieces. I've been in love with you even through your ups and downs, I'd stayed with you through thick and thin, just for you to get the hint, but to you I'm a friend, always there for you. Didn't you ever notice the way I look at you? I know you don't, because loving me is next to impossible, right?

But I understand... yeah I do... because of the way you looked at her, I know you're in love with her, in the sense that you would do anything for her, you don't have to deny it, I know, cause the way you stare at her is the same way I stare at you, funny ha? But between her and me, I know I've always been the second best, yeah, I am... because she's your damsel in distress and you're her knight in shining armor, and me? A dreamer with no future in sight. Hey! I'm happy for the both of you, you found each other, um, not that happy maybe a little sad for myself.

Because I was the first one that made you smile, but you know it hurts that the smile you gave to her is way too different from the smile that you gave to me. No ONE makes you smile that way like she does. But do you really want to know the reason of why I am leaving? Because I've had enough! Sorry for the selfishness, I know that you're still grieving for her death. If ever I could wash those pains away, whatever the consequences, I will do it. But you won't let me. I've had enough of you always thinking about her and ignoring me as if I don't exist at all.

If only I could turn back the time, I would gladly want to be there in her place being slash by that sword. At least it would be a great help. All the pain will vanish forever. But destiny always leads me to pains. Since childhood pain are always there 'till now, pains still haunts me. The pain of losing someone special to me. Sometimes I asked myself "Did I do something wrong?" I understand that all your life, you wanted to have someone that you can call your own. And I know she's the one.

But now that she's gone would you let me take her place? But I'm sure you wouldn't want me to. I know every night you cry yourself to sleep. But didn't you know I also cried too? TIFA LOCKHEART is crying? The optimistic, the brave, the cheerful, the energetic one is also crying... yeah every night because I lost two people in my life again. One is her, hey! She's my friend too; don't think that I hate her because she's the one that you love. I also felt the lost when she died. And number two is YOU, yes you, I lost you even before the fight has been started. I know whatever I do, whatever I give up, or sacrifice, it would only do nothing.

But don't worry, I'll be okay because I still have the memories of our childhood days, it's enough for me to move on with my own. Maybe now I know the reason why I did this, just for you to know that I'm also hurting. It's not for you to feel pity for me that was not my intention. I just want you all to know that, I also felt loneliness, sadness, & hurt, I'm not brave...I'm a coward, coward that my true feeling's will be shown. Now... There's so many "what ifs" rushing through my mind... what if I did tell you earlier that I'm in love with you, maybe I still have the chance, do I?

What if I was the one who died, would you also grieve for me the way you grieve for her?... oh, these questions unanswered because I did let the chance pass me by. But look at the bright side, I did learn lot of things right? I've learn that even though I've given you my best, still, it isn't enough. I've learned that giving up is much easier to do than holding on... holding on to impossible. And the most memorable thing that I've learn today is that the most difficult words you'll ever have to say is goodbye! Because to me, it really meant everything.

Goodbye friend, goodbye my dream, goodbye to you, my love. Maybe, if ever, someday, our paths cross again, maybe that day, I had moved on with my own life, maybe the feeling that I've had for you now will be gone, but I doubt it. Will you ever recognize me? Will you still be my friend? I hope so... and from this day I have only one favor to ask you. Please don't ever forget me...even though I don't hold a special place in your heart...please don't ever...ever forget me... And for the first and probably the last time..."I love you" I've had always love you, and will continue to love you forever...Bye! Good luck!!!

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters and the song.

Chapter 2: IF I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU

Cloud stares at the empty room. He was shocked, speechless about Tifa's confession. He never thought things like this would happen. Never in his wildest dream, he imagines this to happen. Why of all the people Tifa would be the one to leave. And then a song field the room...it's from the tape.

"_If I'm mot in love with you_

_What is this I'm going through?_

_Tonight"_

She's gone, she's out of my life forever... why did I let this happen. Did I pushed her away... was the thing that she said are all true? I didn't know that I was hurting her, I will never do that to her, she's my best friend, through thick and thin she was always there by my side. I didn't know that grieving for Aeris death would hurt her...

"_And if my heart is lying then_

_What should I believe in?_

_Why do I go crazy?"_

But didn't she just say that Aeris is also her friend, then why grieving to Aeris death hurt her that much and leave me alone here.

"_You IGNORE her!"_

Did I?

"_Didn't you understand what she said, SHE LOVES YOU"_

Did she?

Why didn't she tell me... all along I'm in love with her. The reason why I grieve that much to Aeris is that it was my fault why she died, there's no other reason...

"_Every time I think about you baby_

_Why else do I want you like I do?_

_If I'm not in love with you"_

Ever since, I love no one but only her, but why did this have to happen. Why DID I let it happen? Aeris was only a friend, I know she was in love with me, and there was a time when I thought I was in love with her, but the feeling that I felt for Tifa is much stronger than what I felt to Aeris...

"_And if I don't need your touch_

_Why do I miss you so much?_

_Tonight"_

What I felt for Aeris was a brotherly love nothing more. Tifa is my one true love, the only one that I need in my life. But now that she's gone, what should I do? She's my life. I know that it's my fault; I gave my whole time in grieving for Aeris, and finding Sephiroth for revenge...

"_If it's just infatuation then_

_Why is my heart aching?_

_To hold you forever"_

Why did I let time pass, there's so many chance, opportunity that I could have told her about my feelings. Why didn't I realize that I should unfold my feelings. Why did I let her slip from me, how foolish of me...

"_Give a part of me I thought I'd never_

_Give again to someone I could lose_

_If i'm not in love with you"_

I've wasted so much time, and gain nothing. I thought as time goes by, all things will go perfect, the way that I wanted. I never knew that as time goes by, people change, and also their views in life. If only I told her about my feelings, maybe we were together now. Living happily...

"_Why in every fantasy_

_Do I feel your arms embracing me_

_Like lovers lost in sweet desire"_

And not living like this, away from her, I never want to be away from Tifa. All I want is to be on her side. Tifa and I, always forever, loving each other. We could make a perfect couple. But that's all impossible to do now, isn't it? She was gone, she left. And all the blame is on me. I wasn't brave enough to face the reality. I am the coward Tifa, not you. If only...

"_Why in dreams do I surrender?_

_Like a little baby_

_Someone help me explain this feeling_

_Someone tell me"_

...If I have the power to turn back time, I would surely tell her about how I feel. So she wouldn't think that I was in love with Aeris. Though I thought I was before, but maybe that was just an infatuation, but when I saw her again in Don Corneo's mansion. I know I was deeply in love with her...

"_If I'm not in love with you_

_What is this I'm going through?_

_Tonight_

_And if my heart is lying then_

_What should I believe in?_

_Why do I go crazy?_

_Every time I think about you baby_

_Why else do I want you like I do?_

_If I'm not in love with you."_

Why did I let time pass by, for me to realize all of these I can't live without her? She's my life, my world, my everything. I'm very sorry Tifa if I took you for granted. Promise I will find you, wherever you are...PROMISE!

To be continued...


End file.
